Just got into a fight with my mom early this morning and guess what? it's about a thing that i never thought we would fight about.

Money.

Here's the scoop, Payday last Friday, tax period as well, had some discrepancies and i recieved 2K short of what im supposed to, paid all my obligations, including my god-daughter's tuition fee, paid for half of the house helps wages, which left me with 2k to spare in my wallet.

As most of you might know by now, i just got regularized a few days ago, and me and my batchmates were planning this regulatization party for more than a month now. In any case, i used 1k of mt remaining money for this much deserved "fiesta", which left me with 1k for half a months allowance.

My mom woke me up early this morning "demanding" that i give her half of what i've got. she said that i don't need it as much as she does. Normally, i'd give it to her, but i explained that i couldn't right now because of the pay discrepancy.

Mom went nuclear! Said that the reason i was out of money was that i go out too much. Said that i was a drunkard that spent most of my money on booze and keeps on forgeting my obligations.

This happened early in the morning.

I ate this for breakfast.

I'm finally at work, for some peace and quiet, thank the powers that be for open overtime.

I'm doing 2 hr pre-shift and 2 hr post shift OT today, and im going to do this until everything blows over.

I should be happy....... but i feel downright miserable.

Just got regularized in my job this week, the first time i became a regular in anything, well, except being a regular in local beer joints. Just found out also i was being considered for a promotion. New job, higher pay, everythings finally falling into place.

But why am i so damn miserable???

Just woke up, came from a drinking spree last night, going to another one tonight. I'm single, relatively successful, have money to spare, people like me.

But why am i still so damn miserable???

Im so busy right now, i'm right smack in the middle of writing my first book, i got published in the QC Post last week, got great reviews from the readers and the editor himself, i'm finally back writing here in my blog.

But i still feel miserable.

i lack something in my life, and it has left a huge void inside of me. Before posting this, i was lying on my bed, awake but with my eyes closed, contemplating the hectic and crazy things that have happened, my joys, my triumphs, then one thing entered my mind that troubled me beyond explanation.

I have no love.

i have not met the one.

I know this sounds cheezy.

I know you're out there.

Maybe its not the right time? Maybe i was meant to be alone? Maybe...... Maybe.

Miserable........ alone............

Your future occupation by meteoric
Your name
Your future occupation	Ruler of the World
Yearly income	$30,198
Hours per week you work	20
Education	High school graduate
Created with http://www.livejournal.com/users/quill18/'>quill18's http://memegen.deskslave.org/'>MemeGen 3.0!

Ruler of the world.... high school drop graduate.... just as i have forseen it.

Recently got a comment from a friend. She said that i was trivializing the idea of "Star Wars" with my blatant use of the epic's known terminologies. I'm here to explain why and answer the question, "Am I trivializing the idea of Star Wars?" (damn, i hate being redundant!).

The Force, and invisible power that binds all things in the universe. Few gifted people (and aliens) are born with the potential to harness it, the Jedi. In the new (old?) movies, Episode 1 to be precise, The Force is further explained by Quai Gon Jin as being caused by one-celled, microscopic organisms called "midichlorians" (this actually dampened my enthusiasm for the Force coz' it sounded like you could get it by swollowing chewable multi-vitamins and drinking lots of Yakult, but thats beside the point).

The Force is one of the most famous figments of George Lucas's imagination. Kudos to George!! Other people find this crazy fanatisism for the Force laughable. To them, people like me areNothing but movie junkies that are cashing in on the present hype. Some are. Some, like me, are not.

Imagine a world without fairytales, wothout heroes, evil overlords, witches, magical swords, fairies, giants, dwarves, elves, trapped princesses and prince charming. You can't? Try to, 'coz if you do imagine it, you're imagining my world.

I'm not kidding. I grew up in an environment that does not tolerate fanciful flights of fancy. At an early age, i was taught to face harsh reality. "Your mom's not here to take care of you..." or "Your dad left coz' he doesn't love you...". These were the hard realities that were drilled into my very young mind. I had no time to daydream about some hero who would magically bring back my parents and rescue me from my pathetically tragic life. But im not here to discuss about these.

Star Wars is a movie, but not just a movie. It gace people like me something to believe in. It gave us a new hope. It gave us who live in a world without fantasy a chance for change, an opprtunity to pull ourselves together. It has become some sort of a religion to us who find it difficult to believe in a god. That everything is possible once you achieve balance and focus.

Religious people call it faith, devine providence, what have you. I call it the Force. There is no difference, i just prefer to call it that way.

Master Yoda and Obiwan exsists, and they do e-mail me (don't call the NCMH just yet!). All of us have some other person who we ask for advice on anything; a mother, a friend, a brother. I just like to give them apt code names.

I believe in Star Wars. I believe in the Force. If I'm crazy for doing so, so be it. Am i trivializing the idea of Star Wars? Most certainly not. Im practicing my beliefs, my religion. Last time i've checked, there is still freedom of religion in my bill of rights.

May the Force be with you.

Im at the office, wating for my shift to start, drinking ultra strong coffee.

Im abouit to finish reading a book, "Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro ang mga Pilipino" by Bob Ong. Cool book, but some of it is depressing. It's common knowledge that some Filipinos do not want to be Filipinos. But what surprised me is that these Filipinos not only hate their citizenship, they also hate their culture! One even stated that Filipinos have NO CULTURE! Hating your being a Filipino is one thing, but maligning our heritage, MY HERITAGE, is another matter. It's as if your intentionally hitting me below the belt, or spitting on my face, or both.

Yet, i can do nothing. Every person is entitled to his/her own opinion. I must not let anger take over my heart, coz' anger is the path to the Darkside. I'llnever make Anakin's mistake. All i can do is hope, hope that these guys believe in reencarnation, and hope that they come back as ants or cockroaches or something, or worse, ants or cockroaches in Metro Manila sewers. I'll relish the thought that my decendants would step on them like the insects they are. I do hope you get your US Visas coz' the Philippines would definitely be better off without the likes of you.

In the words of the musical geniuses known as The Jerks,

"Pumunta ka na sa tindahan sa tapat, magpalit ka ng balat. Kung ayaw mo sa init, bumili ka na ng ticket, sa America mag-picnic, wag ka nang babalik."

The damn fool who sent me this e-mailt hought that he(or she) can scare me. Sorry dude, your scaring the wrong Atheist.....

A LETTER TO YOU FROM SATAN

I saw you yesterday as you began your daily
chores.
You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter
of fact, you didn't even bless your meals, or
pray
before going to bed last night. You are so
unthankful, I like that about you. I cannot tell
you how glad I am that you have not changed your
way of living, Fool, you are mine.

Remember,you and I have been going steady for
years
and I still don't love you yet. As a matter of
fact, I hate you, because I hate God. I am only
using
you to get even with God.
He kicked me out of heaven, and I'm going to use
you
as long as possible to pay him back.

You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great
plans
in store for you. But you have yielded your life
to
me, and I'm going to make your life a living
hell.
That way, we'll be together twice. This will
really
hurt God.

Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss
in your life with all of the good times we've
had.

We have been watching dirty movies,
cursing people out,
stealing,
lying,
being hypocritical,
fornicating,
overeating,
telling dirty jokes,
gossiping,
being judgmental,
back stabbing people,
disrespecting adults,
and those in leadership positions,
no respect for the Church,
bad attitudes.

SURELY you don't want to give all this up. Come
on,
Fool, let's burn together forever. I've got some
hot
plans for us. This is just a letter of
appreciation
from me to you. I'd like to say "THANKS" for
letting
me use you for most of your foolish life.

You are so gullible, I laugh at you. When you are
tempted to sin, you give in HA HA HA, you make me
sick. Sin is beginning to take it's toll on your
life. You look 20 years older, and now, I need
new
blood. So go ahead and teach some children how
to sin.

All you have to do is
smoke,
get drunk or drink while under-aged,
cheat,
gamble,
gossip,
fornicate,
and live being as selfish as possible.

Do all of this in the presence of children and
they
will do it too. Kids are like that.

Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now. I'll be
back in a couple of seconds to tempt you again.
If
you were smart, you would run somewhere, confess
your sins, and live for God with what little bit
of
life that you have left. It's not my nature to
warn anyone, but to be your age and still
sinning,
it's
becoming a bit ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong, I still hate you.
IT'S JUST THAT YOU'D MAKE A BETTER FOOL FOR
CHRIST.

P.S. If you really love me, you won't share this
letter with anyone.

See what religion does to people? It makes them paranoid!!!!!!

9:45, still no calls. I've been sittinghere for 45mins now, still no calls. Worse yet, i'm the only one here. Where the hell is everybody? PARTYING!

Yes, wether we like it or not, we live in this insanely unfair world where one needs to sacrifice in order for others to enjoy themselves. I can accept that, the only thing that i don't get is, why am i always the one to be left behind? Is it because of my innate goodness and kindness of heart? Or is it because im sooooo gullable when sweet-talked by a cute chick? I dunno, you tell me.

Anyway, i'm re-reading (for the up-teenth time) Ambeth Ocampo's "Rizal Without the Overcoat". A really cool book if you ask me, but collness dissipates with redundancy, if you catch my drift.

But what can i do? How can i escape from this murderous monotony? How can i free myself from the bondage of lethargy? Or how can i beat this boredom? I e-mailed Master Yoda. Guess what his response was?

"Nothing you can do,padawan. nothing. Accept your fate. Losse focus, never do. Re-read Rizal Without the Overcout, if you must."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

I knew it!!! I knew it all along. Focus makes a hell of a lot of difference. I've got my groove back!!!

Closed at 25% yesterday. Not bad compared to the 0% of the other day.

"Focus today, you will. And find inner balance you must. Only then will the full power of the Force be able to help you." Master Yoda's text message to me earlier. It was odd. i've never known Master Yoda to be a texter. Hell, i don't even have his number. I had to ask him the proverbial "HU U?" texters use. Oh well, blind tothe Force am I.

Today's a new day. And i'm focusing on the 30% mark. The Force is with me today.

And may the Force be with you too.

Well, this morning sucked. I mean it, it has been the suckiest morning to date. Why? Here's the story...

Yesterday was a blast, i ended the day with a 30% conversion rate, (for all Callboys and Callgirls out there, you know what that means right?) Anyway, it was really good and I went to work earlier feeling that i could top that conversion easily.. or so thought.

I got 0% out of 15 calls. 0%!!!!!! could you imagine that? A Padawan of my skill??? Getting 0% conversion?? This is an outrage!!! I couldn't believe it myself, but later i discovered the problem.

"The shroud of the Darkside is upon us young Padawan. Be careful, you always must." This warning from Master Yoda came to me earlier. i should have known it.... my mind was clouded by pride so i never foresaw the Darside's presence.

Lessons learned, i am now more vigilant. I will never again lose focus, and constantly believe in the power of the Force.

Master Obiwan should be proud.

May the force be with you all.

I really should be sleeping, but a disturbance in the Force is keeping me awake. It's like waiting for a call that you're not expecting. I imagine the phone ringing, but it remains silent. Master Obiwan has not sent any e-mail today, perhaps he's busy training another padawan, you know how he is.

I start my new workshift tonight. I am now officially a creature of the night. Master Yoda warned me of the darness. "They love the darkness, the Sith. Therein lies the path to the Darkside, be warned young padawan".

I'm considering gobbling up a few milligrams of Valium to lull me to sleep but opted not to. All my senses should be attuned to the Sith, i must not let my masters down.

If not sleep, i must rest. i have a long night ahead of me.

May the Force be with you all.

Fill my Manna Po